Joke of the Day
Man Wakes Up In A Dingy Slum And Realizes He's In The
man wakes up in a dingy slum with no memory of how he
got there. He wanders around aimlessly before he finds
even one person who will talk to him. Some ratty beggar
on the street turns out to be nice enough to explain where
in the afterlife!" he tells the man, "But you
must have been a real jerk when you were alive, because
this is the fourth ring, and only the worst people come
of a sudden, a siren goes off, one of those air-raid things.
The man is terrified but the beggar gets up calmly and
leads him to a big, dilapidated warehouse where thousands
of other similarly unkempt souls are gathering. When the
man asks why they're all here, the beggar points to a
line of folding tables against the wall. Each table has
some moldy bread, cups of dingy water, and some bowls
of broth so thin they could have just run out of cups.
Only then does the man realize how hungry he is. A guard
in heavy body armor blows a whistle and all the people
arrange themselves into three lines.
beggar is helpful enough to explain them for the man.
"That one's the bread line, that's the broth line,
and that's the water line. All the food here is free,
but if you want to get out of this maggot hole, you've
got to work, because the gate guards into the third ring
ask five hundred dollars to get through. I've heard the
food is better there."
the man gets his food. It's abominable, and right then
and there, he vows to make five hundred dollars and get
into the third ring. Unfortunately for him, very few people
need work in the afterlife, especially when all of them
are saving up to emigrate. Even still, after ten years
of hard work, eating the moldy bread and indistinguishable
soup and water, he finally saves up enough money. The
guards let him through and he finds himself in the third
ring. It's nothing too fancy, if anything, it's a bit
below average for a real city, but to his eyes it is paradise.
All the guards look much friendlier, and the houses and
buildings, while not spacious or lavish, are at least
up to code. And to his surprise, he runs right into a
familiar former beggar as he crosses the street.
are the odds?" they both ask and they get to conversing.
The beggar, it turns out, only managed to make it in himself
a few months back. Their conversation is interrupted,
however, by what sounds like a school bell. When the man
seems confused, the beggar leads him to what looks like
a giant gymnasium. Here, people are gathering once again,
and the man begins to understand. On a line of folding
tables against one wall are stacks of hot dogs, big bowls
of salad, and solo cups full of fresh lemonade. A cop
shouts for everyone's attention and directs them all to
stand in three lines. The beggar smiles at the man's wonder
and points to each line in turn. "That's the hot
dog line, that's the salad line, and that's the lemonade
line." The man gets in each line in turn and gets
himself his lunch.
he's eating, basking in joy at not being stuck with old
bread and water, the beggar encourages him, "The
best part is, halfway through the year, they switch from
hot dogs, salad, and lemonade to chicken, chili, and hot
chocolate. You can never get tired of it!"
this proved not to be true. After only a few days, the
man did again get tired of the same meal every day. But
he knew firsthand that he could change his lot, so one
day he went up to the wall of the second circle. This
time the guards were asking for ten thousand dollars.
Well, the man didn't like it, but he figured he had his
whole afterlife ahead of him now that he was out of the
fourth circle, and he could certainly take some time to
save up. After ten years of hard work, it wasn't too difficult
for him to keep up the work ethic, and only twenty years
later, he went back to the guards of the second ring with
the money in hand. He went through the gate and found
himself in a glittering, clean city full of glass and
wouldn't you know it, but there, standing across the street
was the same beggar, only now he was wearing a well-fitted
suit. The man greeted the beggar as an old friend and
they started talking again. Once again, their conversation
was interrupted, only this time it was by beautiful church
bells. "Come," the beggar told him, "I'll
take you to the evening meal." So the man followed
and they entered a glamorous ballroom filled with beautiful
attendees. Even the cops here looked good, dressed in
suits and sunglasses like bodyguards. And sure enough,
piled onto platters on huge mahogany tables against the
far wall were plates of steak, bowls of the most delicious
seafood soups, and glasses of champagne. One of the bodyguards
cleared his throat loudly and politely requested that
the attendees line up. Three lines were formed and the
beggar pointed each line out in turn. "That's the
steak line, that's the soup line, and that's the champagne
line," and then he added, "and apparently here,
they change the meals FOUR times a year!"
man rejoiced, ate, and was happy, and for once felt that
nothing was lacking. Four changes a year was enough for
him. But one day, out of curiosity, he went up to the
bodyguards that guarded the gate into the first and final
ring of the afterlife and found they were asking for a
million dollars to pass. Well the man was a bit disturbed
by this, after all, the second ring seemed perfect to
him. "What is it," he thought, "that could
possibly be more wonderful than what I have here?"
That question haunted him for weeks until he came to a
conclusion. He was used to working hard and he had all
of eternity to save up, so he wanted, just once to see
what he could possibly be missing in the first ring.
years later, he returned to the guards with a million
dollars. When he stepped into the first ring he fell to
his knees. The architecture was glorious and inhuman,
and the bodyguard had turned into shining angels. To his
surprise, someone helped him up off the street and when
he looked, he realized he recognized who it was--it was
the beggar he met in the fourth ring, adorned in a golden
robe and glowing, and when he looked down at himself he
realized he looked much the same.
beggar laughed jovially. "I got here only three years
ago myself, but somehow I knew you would be right here
behind me. I've come back to this gate every day waiting
for you to make it in!" Suddenly, the air was filled
with the sound of angelic choirs and the beggar led the
man off to a gigantic palace made of crystal and cloud.
The room was filled with radiant citizens of the first
circle and angels prepared everything. Sure enough, there
was a line of massive altars against one wall, spilling
over with glistening golden dragon meat, a pudding refined
from clouds and dew and silk, and an ice cold tub of ambrosia
and nectar ladled out individually into blindingly beautiful
crystalline chalices. An angel fluttered from the ceiling
and bowed silently to the assembled mass, who bowed respectfully
back and then broke themselves into their lines on their
at the tradition, the beggar pointed to the first line.
"That's the line for the dragon meat," he said
before turning to the next line, "and that's the
line for angeldust stew," then he paused, confused.
is it?" the man asked his old friend.
beggar replied, "There appears to be no punchline."
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